Or:  “What happens in Vegas better goddamn well stay in Vegas!!!”
 
(After reading this a few times, I have come to realize that I am giving away a lot of Boy Club secrets with this one. It’s all pretty much from the male perspective, so I hope no one squeals on me!)

With an impending get away to Sin City in approx 1 day, I thought I
would relate some of my thoughts and perhaps experiences in one of my most favorite towns on the face of the earth.
  

Now in my opinion, there are 2 types of Vegas trips:
 
1) There is the ‘Couples and/or Friends’  Trip:
 
Where someone goes with a significant other and/or friends. Friends who may dime them out at the drop of a hat. In this scenario, everything I say below is null and void. You have to be good. So just enjoy yourself while you take in the craziness around you. All the while of course, you are secretly planning your next get away without any S/O or with your best buddy/girlfriend who won’t be there to derail your swerve.
 
2) The ‘Cone of Silence’  Trip:

 This is the one that applies to this little rambling of mine. The so-called: “Get Away or Boys/Girls Weekend out or Bachelor/Bachelorette Party or Bday in Vegas” or whatever it is you need to call it. No need to explain to me, I know how it goes. So here it is:
 

A few of my steadfast and time-tested Do’s and Don’ts required for any successful Vegas Trip:

1) Lie. About everything. Period. Corroborate with your friend(s), don’t hesitate and just f’n lie.

2) Absolutely under NO FUCKING circumstances, will ANYONE in your party take pictures. Pictures can only lead to bad, bad things. Theyare proof, they are evidence.
 
Just say no. 
 
This goes quadruple for video.

 Yeah I know phone cams are cool and all and some of us can even take  short videos with them, but for fucks sake,  just don’t do it. I know.

See, there may or may not have been a video shot during a past trip of mine, starring me, that I had to pay my buddy dearly to delete.
 
Son of a bitch stuck his phone around the door, I had no idea. Fortunately all you could see of me was from about half way down my back, my white ass pumping and a girls legs up in the air around me, bouncing to my fairly vigorous and hard thrusting.
 
On the drive home he goes, “Hey, you wanna see something?” and hands me his phone.
 
After getting over the shock of seeing it, I have to say I was doing a pretty damn good
job there!

Anyway, that one cost me, the Fucker. Come to think of it I still owe  him some payback for that…. hmmmmmm….

3) Don’t have a ‘Plan’, just go with the flow, be flexible.
 
Plans always fall apart after the first couple drinks anyway, so fuck it. If you are in a group of 4 or more people, it can majorly suck sometimes because someone is always worried that you all aren’t where you are supposed to be or doing what they think you should be doing.

Dude, chill out, have a couple shots of Jaegy and stop badgering me about how we need to go to this club and not that club and how late we already are! (Why did we bring this douche-bag along anyway?)
 
This holds especially true if you happen to get hooked up with a Group of Girls of 4 or more. I will cover this under Group Dynamics.
 
4) If you or someone in your party has a S/O back at home, designate a specific time to call and ‘check in’ and tell them all that mushy stuff. Preferably when the rest of us are asleep so we don’t have to listen to that shit.
 
And for GODS sake, Do NOT call at 2am when you are fucking plastered to tell them ‘how much you miss them and wish they were there with you” while ‘Diamond’ the stripper is grinding herself all over you in the VIP room. WTF!!! Otherwise, all incoming calls past 8pm go right to Voicemail. “Sorry Honey, the reception must have been bad.”
 
5) Group Dynamics.
 
Ah this is a good one. Actually deserves several chapters to itself. So in ourexperiences my buddy and I have come to some fairly consistent conclusions about Groups in Vegas. Now there can be all sorts of Groups you run into.
 
But really the ones that you have to be wary of are the following: The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party Group… The ‘Bday in Vegas’ group… The Large Girls Weekend in Vegas Group. Really any Group of Girls (or guys, though I can’t confirm) that number 4 or more. These groups are usually highly (or attempted to be) organized, with a specific agenda going on.
 
These groups tend to have the following personalities in them that contribute to unmitigated chaos and frustration for anyone trying to even talk to one of the Girls in the Group:
 
Mother Hen: This is the girl who has decided to take upon herself the job of making sure all of her friends are ‘OK’  and in doing so, spoiling most of the fun going on. Usually fussing about the Drunk Girls of the group and constantly on her Cell trying to locate one of the girls who is missing (Most likely making out somewhere). Making a scene about how she is missing and they must all immediatelystop what theyare doing to findher. Thus leaving the boys who had been making the moves on the rest of the Girls behind.
 
Cock Block: Often times the Mother Hen becomes this, however, other girls can take up this role. Usually when a Group is out somewhere say, at a club and everyone but this particular girl is having fun. She tends to group the Girls up and hustle them someplace else where she thinks she can have fun. It’s a selfish act, purely because no guy worthy of her has paid her attention yet or more than likely, she hasn’t  even found any in the place that she thinks IS worthy of her. So she throws a huffy fit, acts like a spoiled little bitch and vocally tells everyone how she wants to go somewhere else: ‘That is so much cooler than this place and where there are at least some hot guys. This place sucks.”  Of course, she makes a big production of gathering everyone up and getting out of there which usually means the boys there who had been having some success with the rest of the Girls get left behind. The reason being is becauseit is infinitely easier for girls to bounce from club to club in Vegas than the guys. Bouncers always let the Groups of girls in and usually with no Cover.

 Crazy Girl: This is the loud one. I mean really LOUD one. The crazy one. The chaotic one. The hot one who is a mess after 3 drinks. She is the one that usually ends up missing, making out with random dudes somewhere in the club, thus setting  Mother Hen into her frenzy of motion and spoiling a lot of other peoples fun and games.
 
Drunk Girls: The ones having fun, drinking and enjoying the game, the troopers of the Group. But they tend to drink too much and instead of Crazy Girl, they just fall over. Thus Mother Hen has to get the rest of the Group to take Drunk Girl back to the room to make sure she is OK, where inevitably the rest of the girls begin crashing out. Party over.
 
Now of course, there are normal girls in the Groups but with the above mentioned personalities, the normal girls get drowned out in the pure Chaos that is a Group. My buddy and I normally just stay way the hell away fromthese Groups because usually it ends up in a lot of work going to waste! Something ALWAYS happens and poof, the group is mysteriously gone andyou are left with a big-ass bar tab! 
 
5 A) The Good Group. This is the Group that is much more suitable to everyone having a good time. It’s a group of girls of  2 or 3. Usually this is just a couple friends who needed to get away for the weekend. Nothing planned, no need to be anywhere at a specific time. Just out to enjoy themselves. We like these Groups!!! 
 
6) And of course, the oldie but goodie: “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” Do not deviate from this. You will get screwed. And not in the good way. And the cell number you got from the hottie you boinked last night? It doesn’t work after Sunday. You will be ignored. Trust me. Everything truly stays in Vegas. She probably woke up and realized: “Holy shit what did I do that for?” and made the Walk of Shame post-haste.
 

There is a ton more, but if you keep these simple axioms in mind, then Vegas is indeed… Sin City!!

Maybe next time I’ll tell the story of my best trip ever to Vegas…

No, not me.

The Dennis Leary Song.

Still one of my all time favorites.

Anyway… I could have sworn I said back in December I was going to come back in here and do some more writing.

I think everyone out there in BlogoLand knows how it goes these days. People start, stop, take hiatus from their Blogs all the time. For me, this blog is a channel to put some of my uh… fairly active libido’s energy into.

Looking back at it and the fact I have had other blogs and completely deleted them, I wonder if they are a reflection of what is currently going on in my life? Well I’m no shrink or anything but that one is probably a no-brainer.

One would think that writing about sex/sex stories would be fairly easy. I mean I am a guy.  A fairly healthy, active and horny guy.  It’s basically what we guys think about all day right? (Right)

Well writing about it is easy and at the same time, it isn’t. There are times when it just flows out. I told someone one time that when I write, the experience is really more like I’m just along for the ride and the story takes me wherever it wants to go.  Other times it feels like I can’t get one word out and a brick is hitting me in the head the whole time.

WTF is up with that? I guess it’s just that Creativity comes in spurts…

Pun intended lol…

I’m fairly sure this is the same reason why musicians usually take a while before releasing new material, same with main-stream writers of all genres. Need some time to re-charge the batteries… get the juices flowing again… get the ol’ bat fully erect…

Sometimes you just get tapped out man! Sometimes I’m just not in the mood, the right frame of mind, to write.

Not in the mood? Did I just say that? Fuck me.

Not that I’m not constantly horny mind you, because I am. But being horny and being able to write about it, are two very different things. At least for me.

Well that felt good to get off my chest anyway!

And hey, maybe now I’ll write about some sex!

Time to do some dusting off in here and get back to the action

Time to take off that ‘Out of Office’ on my email, time to change the ‘I am not here… so go fuck yourself’ off my work Voicemail… ok I didn’t really say that but the ATTITUDE can be heard on my voicemail lol… time to pay bills blah blah blah…

Time for me to catch up on all the naughty HNT pics and hot posts and new naughty adventures by everyone I read… now THAT’s what I am looking forward to!

Is Blah.

My trip is almost over… back to reality in a few days… but overall right now…

Blah for a lot of reasons.

Out of Blog Assistant is: [x] On

Hello, You have reached the Blog of SP. He is currently away from his Blog and will not be back for a little while. He would like everyone to know that he has left something for you to read, 1 post below, in his absence. If you have not visited his HNT, 2 Posts below, he recommends to visit and leave many hot, suggestive and naughty Comments. He does appreciate them. A lot.

If you need Immediate Assistance, he may be reached by email and could possibly be able to return them. As long as he has phone service.

He hopes everyone stays well and posts numerous HNT pic and/or naughty stories so he may be occupied upon his return. That is all.

The results are in for my little impromptu HNT poll,  thanks for the responses!

And the comments were pretty much, “Stop being a dumbass and post!”

BTW I had to call in the Dewey Pest Guy… seems I had some crickets running loose on my blog somehow…  *Spanks Dirty*

Anyway… I’ve picked one that is the most anonymous of the bunch.

I call it: “Leather and Thighs.”

Other people have called it: ”The Little Towel Pic.” (I don’t know why, heh)

So here you go.  Be gentle with me.

So, ok, I used to do HNT back on my old (now deleted) blog.  It’s pretty obvious I enjoy looking at all the really great HNT pics that everyone puts up, I figure I at least owe an HNT to cover for all the enjoyment I have gotten out of looking at them.

However, my dilemma is that I want to try to remain as anonymous as possible. I have a couple that I had used before that I think I can pull it off with…

Plus… I figure I could leave a little present for everyone because… (Bad News):

I will be on uh… “hiatus” for a few weeks.

Nothing bad actually. It’s just that I will be ‘gone’ on a ‘planned’ excursion and won’t be able to pull up anything more than mundane work email, if you know what I mean…

So I’m leaving it up to all of you…

HNT Yes?

HNT No?

You decide…

Ok, I am going to attempt this without giving away too much info. After all I am an ‘Anonymous Blogger’. But it seemed like fun, so here goes:

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)?

I was a Jock for the most part. I played 3 Letter Sports: Football being my favorite. However, I also played in the ‘Band’!!! Gasp!

Yeah I did. Although I played a ‘cool’ instrument and was the only Football Stud in the band, so all the band girlies loved me cough cough. I have a deep love for music, almost as much as writing. I really enjoyed making music in the various school bands I was in. And believe me, NO ONE called me a ‘Band Geek’ lol. And yes, I did use my uh, instrument, to help me get laid in college once or three times!

2. What were you really?

As stated. Most of my friends were jocks like myself, though I did hang out with different groups of people, I never really isolated myself to just one group. Too many girls to talk too

I was also a fairly good student, carrying a 3.3 GPA (that was good in those days, no AP classes to get over 4.0 scores) and did pretty damn good on my SAT’s! I was asked by a few teachers if I wouldn’t mind being a student tutor in certain subjects… and although the possibilities were uh, intriguing… I declined.

3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?

Not a damn thing! I mean I already knew everything there was to know about everything, so I most likely would have told my older version to go fuck himself

4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?

I have a few I’d rather not dredge up. Pass.

5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?

Ok, let’s rephrase that for us Boys:

5. Who did you not Bang (or more) that you wish you did?

Hmmmmm, well that list is fairly lengthy lol… I only got a couple of the cheerleaders… so yeah that’s a good start… some of the Flag girls were pretty limber, I missed out there me thinks…
And while I didn’t have any hot teachers per se, the Vice Principal was pretty hot in a stern, disciplinarian sort of way and she did have a nice rack. I can distinctly remember me being in her office after another one of my exploits and staring at her bosoms in that shirt she loved to wear not buttoned up all the way, as she lectured me. She caught me staring. She let me off. What can I say?

 I can’t really complain though, I had my fair share of High School fun.

6. If you went to prom, describe your outfit.

Went to Prom both Jr. and Sr. year. Wore the standard Prom Tux.

My Sr. year prom, now there is another story in the making… seems I had suddenly found myself without a G/F a couple weeks before and ended up taking the G/F of a guy who didn’t want to go. We had a great time. A REALLY great time. (I got a rug burn on one knee from the car carpet, heh)  When I eventually took her home early the next morning, she offered to break up with her B/F and go out with me.

I declined.

We hooked up several more times after that.

Ok so I was a bit of a bastard in those days lol…

Ok, it’s technically Thursday and I have noticed that the tradition around the BlogoWorld is for a WTF post to be done on Wednesday, hence: ‘WTF Wednesdays’.

But who am I to follow the rules? I enjoy breaking them much, much more than following…

So anyway… I had a really, really, seriously big WTF happen to me on Wednesday:

I get a call on my Cell Phone sometime in the early evening.

“Unknown ID”  or some such. So it’s one of those deals where the caller is blocking their number.

As a General Rule, all blocked numbers or numbers I don’t recognize go immediately to Voice Mail. I mean, how do I know it’s not my ex-wife or my boss calling on some blocked phone? Usually I don’t  feel like talking to either of them at any given moment of the day, so it’s ‘ Voice Mail I <B You’.

3 seconds later… another call… “Unknown ID”…  Straight to VM.

I then notice the little VM Icon show up.

A little bit curious, I hit my VM speedial and listen:

It’s some dude I don’t recognize and he says “Hey, I’m here parking.” I delete, thinking: “Poor bastard, wrong number.” His G/F or whoever is waiting for him is gonna be piiiissssssed!

Incoming call again: “Unkown ID”.  Again, straight to Voicemail.

Persistent little fuck isn’t he?

The Voicemail Icon pops up again.

Now, my curiosity rapidly turning into annoyance, I ignore it.

10 seconds later, ANOTHER call from “Unknown ID”:  Now I’m jamming the Ignore Button repeatedly.

10 seconds later…. ANOTHER FRIGGIN CALL from “Unknown ID”.

WTF pal?  Can you not tell you have a wrong number and I don’t want to talk to your ass?

I mean, when you listen to my VM message my voice is on it, so if you don’t know who the fuck I am why do you continue to annoy the shit out of me?

I answer it just to tell this guy to stop calling me.

I say, “Hello.”

He says, “Yeah man, I’m here parking.”

WTF??? He heard my voice, does he not understand he doesn’t fucking know me?

I say, “Uh, who are you looking for?”

He says, “This is Mike.” 

Mike.  Ok thanks Mike, I don’t know any fucking ‘Mikes’, so this helps me out for jack squat.

I say, “Sorry, you must have the wrong number.”

He says, “Aren’t you the guy I was talking to online?”

Pause.

*Clicking sound in brain as light bulb switches on over head*

Holy Fucking Shit!!!

This dude thinks I’m some guy he is trying to hook up with!!!

WTF, OVER!!!!!!!! 

Now I’m not saying I’m Homophobic… ok who the fuck am I kidding? I am. A bit.

If anyone can’t tell by my writing or comments, I loooooooooove women!!! Love love love LOVE. No sweaty ballsacks for me, no man-on-man lovin, no Nude Roman-Gecko wrestling.

Just beautiful, beautiful girl breasts and asses and legs and lips… *cough* 

Nothing wrong with being a male lover of the same sex… I’m just sayin’… whatever floats your boat, melts your butter, packs your fudge… that’s fine. It’s not my cup of tea and I’d rather not be privy to it if you know what I’m saying.

So anyway… I reply back to ‘Mike.’:

I say, “No man, I’m not. You have the WRONG NUMBER.”   Hit Hang Up button as fast as possible.

So, at this point, several things form in my mind:

1) Just who the fuck is out there on some Internet Chat Site looking for a little Man-on-Man lovin’ giving out MY FUCKING CELL NUMBER??????

(Yes, I realize that… ‘Mike’ …. may have wrote down the wrong number or the dude on the other end gave him a bogus number and it happened to be mine. Asshole.)

2) I Laugh out Loud to myself as I’m thinking: There are 2 dudes out there right now pissed off at each other because they were expecting to be smokin’ some pole by now!!!

God damn, lol.

Well if that wasn’t one of the stranger calls I’ve ever gotten.

Although to be honest?

I’d rather chit chat with Pole-Smokin ‘Mike’ than my fucking Ex-Wife any day of the week!!!

I just hope those two poor dudes finally found each other. Who knows, they could be the next BrokeBack Mountain for all we know…

BTW: I Promise Sex tomorrow…

(UPDATE : The promise of Sex was delivered upon, please see above post. Just wanted to makes sure people know that although I may be a slight tease, I do come through with the goods!)